Buying
I found, in the midst of everything else that's going on, a great house. I love it. I would move in tomorrow, if I could. My husband is not so in love with it and this comes as no surprise because we have the same taste in just about nothing.
One point he raises, which is valid, is that the basement seems to get some water when it rains. We saw the house on Wednesday and it had poured down rain the night before. Some of my staff were late into the office that day because they were pumping out 3 inches of water from their basements. This basement, the basement belonging to the house I love, didn't have inches of water, but a crawlspace was wet and the area outside of that as well. About 2/3 of the basement was dry. It's definitely a concern, but I just feel like it's not that unusual for houses in the area we like to have some moisture problems. This particular house was built in the 1860s, I'm thinking some moisture isn't so bad.
But my husband is pretty dead set against this house, so my only recourse is to drug him and have him sign the offer papers while he's under the influence. Wish me luck.
Brand New Day
It's the end of our fiscal year at work and so I'm trying to think of this like a new year. A new start.
I am, however, so glad it's Friday. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight for Ron's work tonight, a BBQ for Ron's new work tomorrow and another family BBQ on Sunday. I don't really feel like doing any of it. Know what I'd really like to do? Sleep. And laundry. I'm a thrill a minute, right?
Rest Now
Today two thing happened. We lost a nephew and Heaven gained the littlest angel.
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.
The Mighty M
Instead of taking the baby off of bypass Friday night, the decision was made to take him off yesterday morning and keep him on a vent to see what would happen. To everyone's surprise, he's still with us. He is a little fighter.
I wish that was all good news, but it's not. There are some pretty bad numbers. He's so swollen that you almost forget he's a baby. He's DNR, but he hasn't gotten so bad that his heart's actually stopped so any sort of resucitation hasn't been needed. He's on a lot of pain medication so he doesn't really move and he isn't in pain.
I spent all of last night up with him, massaging his little feet. He likes that--his pressure goes up a bit when you do it. We tell him funny stories. We sing songs. We do little dances even though he can't see us. We save the overwhelming amount of crying for when we're not bedside. Every hour that he survives is supposed to be a good thing. But not with dropping numbers. We know the inevitable is right around the corner and all on edge awaiting its arrival. Sleep deprivation is a funny thing and we're probably all on each other's nerves a bit.
He is such a little fighter, but you can tell he's tired. When no one else is listening, I lean over and whisper to him that it's okay to leave.
Hold On
Am I in heaven here or am I in hellAt the crossroads I am standingSo now you’re sleeping peacefulI lie awake and prayThat you’ll be strong tomorrow and we’llSee another day and we will praise itAnd love the light that brings a smileAcross your face...Hold onHold on to yourselfFor this is gonna hurt like hell
Defense
If you're ever in the market for a lawyer and really want to spend the rest of your life in jail, do I have the lawyer for you.
The lawyer forgot to call me up to testify.
I spent the afternoon hanging out, sequestered, with the defendent's family and he didn't even call me. Lovely.
In My Head
You are my sunshineMy only sunshineYou make me happyWhen skies are grayYou'll never know, dearHow much I love youPlease don't take my sunshine away
With God All Things Are Possible
For me, this Baby M situation has become just about a foregone conclusion. The past week and a half (I can't believe it's only been that long; it seems like forever) have been more emotionally exhausting than anything I could imagine--and this isn't even my child. Lord only knows how his mother is hanging on.
So I am tired and weak and disappointed in myself. It's easier to be somewhat detached. Lost hope is a terrible thing. It makes you feel like you've been hollowed out inside, leaving some sort of shell of what you were. There's a sign in my office that reads "Never deprive a person of hope. It may be all she or he has" and for that reason I keep my thoughts to myself. Oh, I still pray but I pray that I am wrong.
Please let me be wrong. I have never so badly wanted to be wrong.
Bad Day
So you know when you're having a bad day and you're all like "everything is going wrong" and then you get a call that you might be subpoenaed? Don't you hate when that happens? And then you actually
get the subpoena and you have no idea how long you'll be trapped in a courtroom because they use language like "to testify and remain until excused"?
Yeah, I really hate when that happens.
Crush
Those of you who know me in real life know that I have very strange taste in men. My past is littered with a cast of men who have nothing in common. Attractiveness means nothing to me. Which is evident by at least half the men I've dated. Give me someone quirky. Someone interesting. I like preppy. No, no, no, give me someone with a ponytail. Inked & pierced? Love it. Clean-shaven! Punk! Poet! Catholic! Jewish! Whatever, I'm all over the place and totally random in my taste in men. Which explains why I married a funny, cute man who happens to be 3 and half feet shorter than me. See? My quirkiness knows no bounds.
Which is why it should come as no surprise that I have a crush on
Tom DeLonge. I'm in love with his new band's song,"The Adventure".
Mish Mosh
I'm not sure how much I'll post about the Baby M situation here. Overall, things aren't looking too good and everyone is praying for a miracle. I realize in my life I have been quite fortunate. I've never personally experienced tragedy, nor have those closest to me. The few people I have known with some sort of terminal illness had lived a good portion of their lives already and did not suffer much, relatively speaking. This is the first time I have borne witness to unbelievable anguish. We should know something, I think, by the end of the week and by something I mean whether the decision needs to be made to terminate care. I would wish this on no one.
In other news, the house hunt continues. No luck finding the perfect place. It may be, of course, that it's such a large purchase that I've put up a mental block and nowhere is ever going to be "perfect". But we'll continue the search.
I believe some psycho found my blog (yup, I said it and meant it this time, unlike the first time I called you crazy when I didn't know you were reading, and was only calling you crazy because I only had your boyfriend's word to rely on)--that didn't take long. I only made it somewhat public again in the last week or so. But that you've apparently stalked my friends' sites looking for me for the last year is hysterical really. By all means, have a ton of fun reading--and comment away. You're awesome.
Lastly, it's freaking hot outside. It really needs to stop. It's only June. I know my tolerance for just about everything is shot these days, but c'mon. Humid and 87 degrees? Ridiculous.
To Whatever God You Have
I went to see Baby M last night again. He's not breathing as well. His kidneys aren't doing so hot. Today, more with the not breathing thing. As I type this, my husband is in route to the hospital. It's hard to determine why he's having trouble breathing, if it's because of his heart condition or because his lungs are tiny. So Ron's on the case. At least he can speak the same language as the doctors to get the real story.
You hear a different thing from the doctors about this baby hourly. Most recently, though, is that they'll do the heart surgery within the next couple of days and that the likelihood is that he won't make it through. Again, it changes hourly and depending on who you talk to.
We just need you to breathe, Baby.
Update: Baby M's surgery is tomorrow morning. My rosary beads are getting a workout.
Fraud
I very much enjoy the
Anonymous Lawyer blog and you may have noticed that it's linked to this blog. I've exchanged emails with the author, who confirmed that not only is he not a hiring partner at a law firm, but he's a recent Harvard law grad who doesn't currently work at a law firm at all. I figured that he wasn't really a partner, but I have to admit that discovering his identity is a total fraud was a bit like finding out there's no such thing as Santa Claus.
iPOD
Last week I created a new playlist for the gym. It's kind of random:
"Sorry" Madonna
"1 thing" Amerie
"Laid" James
"Ocean Breathes Salty" Modest Mouse
"Since U Been Gone" Kelly Clarkson
"Promiscuous" Nelly Furtado (I know, I know, but it's catchy)
"Mr. Brightside" The Killers
"Hot in Herre" Nelly
"Where'd You Go?" Fort Minor
"Over My Head" The Fray
"Hands Down" Dashboard Confessional
"A Little Respect" Erasure
"Breathe" Michelle Branch
"Einstein on the Beach" Counting Crows
"Crazy" Beyonce
My iPod has definitely breathed new life into my workouts.
Change of Plans
The doctors decided to do an emergency c-section late in day yesterday and my nephew was born last night just before 9 p.m. He's 3.17 lbs and 15 inches long. According to his father, he cried right after he was born. Within minutes, his medical team whisked him off to the cardiac intensive care unit where he'll stay for the next couple of months. He did a couple of tricks where his heart rate dropped, but with his heart defect, that's to be expected.
I got to see him around midnight last night. He's bigger than I thought he'd look, but skinny. Cute though. He was able to breathe on his own but not very effectively. They were holding his mouth shut to force in oxygen, and he seemed pretty pissed about that. He was just working too hard at that breathing thing, so they intubated him at about 2a.m. and I didn't see him after that.
His mom is doing well, aside from the fact that she can't see the baby. As expected her pressure dropped.
That's all for now. So far, so good.
Different Strokes for Different Folks
One of the neighborhoods we looking to move into is also home to some low income housing. I'm hoping to earn some street credit in the process. Anyway, I'm totally aware of how stereotypical and un-PC this is, but whenever we drive by this section of town, it never ceases to amaze me how many DirectTV satellites are attached to these houses. I mean like, many, many satellites. I mentioned this to Ron.
"Why can't they have DirectTV?"
"It's not that they can't have DirectTV. It's just that if you can't afford housing and are on food stamps, I just think it's interesting that you'd have DirectTV."
"Different things are important to different people."
"Apparently."
Baltimore
We spent a lovely weekend in Baltimore. They've done a ton of work down there and really expanded the waterfront, just since last year. It looks great. I so wish we would do something like that in this city.
Anyway, it was a bit chilly actually, but we had a great time at the Italian Festival. Tons of great food--my pants are a little snugger this morning. We met Ron's sister and her husband, his cousins and his parents in the Inner Harbor and walked over the Little Italy. In addition to eating our faces off, we also played a little bocci and really livened up the bingo area for awhile. Actually, we basically got thrown out of bingo for winning too much. Around dinnertime we walked back to our hotel on the way to Fells Point. Fells Point is a great section of Baltimore with lots of little bars and restuarants. Finally, by midnight and after an ill-advised slice of pizza, I went back to the hotel. While I was in Maryland, I got a series of phone calls from my friends and it's a tie for who left the funniest message. On one hand, Kimberly, nearly forgot my name during her rendition of happy birthday and collapsed into hysterical giggles. On the other hand, Christy and Michelle's version featured Michelle thinking she sings first soprano for the Philadelphia Opera. So, it's really a tie. It was all in all a fun birthday.
The cloud that hung over us however, was Ron's other sister, the one who did not come to Baltimore. Surprisingly, the rest of Ron's family did come with us to the festival, really only because everyone realized that this would be the last opportunity to get away for quite some time. That they left his sister's side while she's hospitalized is virtually unheard of, so I know everyone is anticipating how overwhelming it's going to be once this baby is born. For now, she's still pregant. The goal, for now, is to keep her in the hospital until next week and deliver then. It'll still be six weeks early, and who knows, maybe they'll even be able to keep her pregnant beyond that. She's got her own medical team that is meeting this morning to review all the options. She's in one of the best hospitals she could be in, so there's nothing to do but wait. Once the baby's born, it'll be determined how long they can wait before doing the heart and kidney surgery.
Thank you to those of you who have her in your thoughts. We went to the
St. Jude's shrine while in Baltimore. While I don't like that he's the patron saint of hopeless causes, it is he who Ron's mother turned to when his sister was sick as a child. He's become the saint of choice for the family. We got a St. Jude pendant for the baby's crib, or more likely, incubator, and really, I can't think about that without crying.
Crows
Counting Crows are coming to town on tour this summer. Must go!
The Most Random Post
This past week:
Ron and I celebrated that it's been one year since we've been engaged. Well, we didn't really
celebrate as we were like "Oh yeah, right." This week was also the official kickoff to my drinking problem. Deidre and I went out Tuesday night and for some reason 7 margaritas and a bowl of chips seemed like a good idea. Until the next morning. After recovering from the hangover from hell, I had to go it all over again, only classier, at Ron's end-of-the year reception. I wore "
the dress" and after the reception wound up partying at a dance club. To show you how totally out of the loop I am, I've passed by the bar/club on a regular basis and though it was a bakery. Anyway, I pooped out early figuring that I should probably plan on going to work on time the next morning. And I actually canceled plans to go out for drinks Thursday night, because frankly, my body just can't handle 3 nights in a row. Also, I realized or maybe re-realized that I'm in a cultural vaccuum as
Christy pointed out, because I've never seen "Willy Wonka".
TMI:
If you'd like not to know about the inner workings of my menstrual cycle, skip this paragraph. Being off the pill sucks. My period came today, totally unexpected and only 26 days after the start of my last one. I know my body's still adjusting to not being "prompted" to have a period. But I used to feel so in tune with my body. It used to give me physical signals when my period was coming. I mean of course I knew what day it was coming because of the whole pill thing, but I could tell within an hour of its start. Now, nothing. Just one big surprise. On one hand I guess it's good that my boobs don't hurt for days beforehand or that I'm not cramping, but I kind of relied on those symptoms. Now I'm back to feeling like a teenager, worrying about what days I can wear light colored pants.
The weekend:
Going to Baltimore for the
St. Anthony's Italian Festival. Yeah for good food and cheap beer! Yeah for spending the day outsiden in good weather (well, according to weather.com). Boo that my friends aren't able to come. The good news there is that one can't come because she has an interview and the other needs to work on her new house. Those are good reasons not to come. Boo for having my period for the festival (the festival involved porta-potties--do you feel my pain ladies?)
The problem:
My sister-in-law is hospitalized again, this time for "severe" preeclampsia. She's gained 10 pounds in the last week and it seems the baby has stopped growing in the last week. Bad that the baby stopped growing (apparently, they determined this via ultrasound) and bad that the baby's mother gained 10 pounds that is probably entirely water retention. Her blood pressure is skyrocketing and last night they couldn't get it down. The cardiologists has said that she has to make it to 34 weeks for the baby's surgery to go well, but the OB is now thinking 34 weeks is unrealistic. The estimates are that the baby is under 3 pounds and now it's likely that he or she will be born soon.
Tomorrow:
It's my birthday. Happy birthday to me!
I'm in Love
With
this house. It's in a great neighborhood too. Might be perfect. Except the neighborhood, although great, is not the neighborhood we really want to live in. It's less convenient than the one we really want. It's so hard to know what to compromise on.
But come on, look at it. Isn't it cute? It's got flower boxes and everything.
The Weekend Recap
Friday, Ron and I hid out from the terrorential downpours in a local bar. Bring on the Miller Lite and nachos!
Saturday, we did recon on a neighborhood for an open house the next day. We became convinced we were going to love this house. Late that afternoon, I sent Ron to the movies and spent the evening by myself listening to music and cleaning the apartment. I love having the apartment to myself sometimes.
Sunday, the open house was a bust as the house was 500 sq feet smaller than listed. I hate bad information.
That's about it kids.
Hey There
What the hell happened to
Nelly Furtado? She's all sexy and shit now.
How Much of A Loser Am I?
I'm supposed to be going to my friend, Hope's tomorrow. Only it's supposed to pour and I hate driving in the rain. So maybe I'll cancel. That's lame right? What am I, 80?
Conversations
So I'm out last night with my friend
Christy and I'm rambling on about something and suddenly Christy gives me a funny look.
"What?"
"I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're married."
"Really? Just now?"
"Yeah, that you like have a
husband who gives you advice on things. Wrapping my head around it."
"Yeah, I'm married. You were
there, Chris. Remember?"
New Look
I decided to enter my birthday month with a new template and a new lease on the blogging world. While I may refrain from using my real name, feel free to link to this blog. For now anyway, I'm done hiding in the shadows. My other blog, for those of you in the know, may morph into where I keep things totally anonymous.
Welcome to Thirtysomething.
Sic
This t-shirt makes me think of my friend, Christy.
