The Mighty M
Instead of taking the baby off of bypass Friday night, the decision was made to take him off yesterday morning and keep him on a vent to see what would happen. To everyone's surprise, he's still with us. He is a little fighter.I wish that was all good news, but it's not. There are some pretty bad numbers. He's so swollen that you almost forget he's a baby. He's DNR, but he hasn't gotten so bad that his heart's actually stopped so any sort of resucitation hasn't been needed. He's on a lot of pain medication so he doesn't really move and he isn't in pain.
I spent all of last night up with him, massaging his little feet. He likes that--his pressure goes up a bit when you do it. We tell him funny stories. We sing songs. We do little dances even though he can't see us. We save the overwhelming amount of crying for when we're not bedside. Every hour that he survives is supposed to be a good thing. But not with dropping numbers. We know the inevitable is right around the corner and all on edge awaiting its arrival. Sleep deprivation is a funny thing and we're probably all on each other's nerves a bit.
He is such a little fighter, but you can tell he's tired. When no one else is listening, I lean over and whisper to him that it's okay to leave.
posted by DJ Heavy D @ 10:56 AM
2 Comments:
You are being so strong D. Amazing how much you can care for someone you have only known for a week huh?
His being a part of all of your lives is building something between all of you, an experience that will leave each of you changed, that will bond you all together. And each of you is giving him something to: compassion, love, and affection, three of the most important shared things in our human experience.
Stay strong and know you are all in my thoughts.
He needs to know that it's okay. Good for you.
Many prayers and much love.
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