Thirtysomething

The Evolution of Knowing What I've Always Known

Since the beginning of my adulthood, I've realized that the relationship I have with my parents isn't going to change. My head knows to accept this and yet, I can't help but wish it were different. I'm not sure there's anything I could or can do differently, but that doesn't stop the wheels in my head from spinning.

Since my early 30s, another thought has crept in and that is when either or both of my parents pass on, I know I'm going to be left with the heartbreaking feeling that it's too late. All chances gone. Possibility of reconciliation: zero. It will be final, then, that our relationship will end in the opposite manner of it beginning. I was the first child, the one who brought so much joy to their lives. The end of the story will be different. I will be the one with words left unsaid and too much time wasted.

I think John Mayer is a total douchebag who runs his mouth too much. But one of his completely overplayed songs hits home.

Have no fear for givin in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say.

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 10:10 AM