Monday, November 26, 2007

An Open Letter

Dear Rolo,

Despite what you may have heard on the street, an hour long session of baby babble is definitely NOT cute at 4am. See that it doesn't happen again.

Thank you,

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This is Justice?

So this dude "lost it", bludgeoned his wife to death while she wrapped Christmas presents, and he gets no more than 7 years in jail?

Our legal system never ceases to amaze me. And not in a good way.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I'm Thankful for Day Care

Well, of course, this year I have to say I am most thankful for my son, specifically that he was born completely healthy.

But I also have to say that Rolo going to day care has been great too. It has afforded me the opportunity to miss my son. Strange, I know. Why would I be happy about missing someone? The reality, however, at least for me, is that now I look forward to spending time with Rolo in a way that I didn't or couldn't when I was spending 24 hours a day with him. I'm not saying that stay-at-home moms don't appreciate the time they spend with their kids and I'm not saying I didn't in some ways love being home with him. But when you're with someone 24/7 (literally), well, you don't look forward to spending time with them quite as much. Now instead of looking forward to the end of the day so Ron would take Rolo for a little while, I look forward to the end of the day because I get to pick up my son. And I get excited about that every workday.

I'm leaving work early today to pick Rolo up and I took off on Friday to spend the day with him. And I couldn't be looking forward to it more. And that? That is what I'm thankful for.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007


So i have a sore throat and I went to CVS to get some Luden's Honey Lemon Throat Drops but none were to be found. Or, I was too lazy to look very hard. So instead I walked out with some Ricola Honey Lemon Cough Drops. Which will likely taste like ass because of the menthol, but whatever.

Now I can't stop saying "REE-CO-LA" like the commercials.


More With the Boobs

I know, I know. When am I going to stop talking about my boobs? Believe me, I really can't wait until they don't take up a good deal of my waking hours either. Because the pressure, the pressure of needing to feed an infant, of worrying whether I'm producing enough, worrying about when to pump, really, it's starting to annoy me. Like on Sunday, I went to an Eagles game. And guess who had to pump in the parking lot while tailgating? Yeah, not fun.

Anyway, we may be making the move to formula soon. I'm sad about that. My supply is down again and this time it's not because I'm on the pill and frankly, I'm too tired to try to figure out what the reason is. Or if there's a reason. Rolo is eating more and with a diminshed supply, I can't quite keep up. Well, I'm making enough that I can get him through the day, but that's assuming he actually drinks whole bottles. There are times when I make up a bottle of what he usually takes, 5 ounces, and he only decides to eat 3 ounces. So that's 2 wasted ounces down the drain. And as much as I want to scream "How can you waste this? Do you not understand how precious the boob juice is???" I realize that it's much better to save any stories about my breastfeeding adventures until he's a teenager and will be truly embarrassed.

I've used almost all of the milk I froze when he was younger, so I don't really have much recourse but to go to formula soon. I think that makes me sad because even though I planned to go to formula in a couple of months, I wanted it to be a decision I made and not something I have no choice but to do. There's a chance my supply could all of a sudden rise again, but I'm not holding out much hope.

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Friday, November 16, 2007


And it like couldn't come fast enough. Time to relax.

Here's a picture of what Rolo does when we dare to interrupt his relaxing (otherwise knows as sleeping):

Happy weekend everyone!

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Hello, You!

Yes, you! You there at the University of Pennsylvania. Why do you not ever comment? You check my blog nearly every day but you never say hi. And you search for my blog via Google every time. Do you not know you can just bookmark it? Unless you're at different computers all the time, like at the library. Or the computer lab. Do they even still have computer labs? I went to Penn, so you would think I would know this. Of course that was in 2001 and GOOD LORD it's been six years since I received my master's degree! Where the hell is that doctorate I always said I was going to get? I've got to get on that.

But I digress. You there at Penn, you should delurk and say hi! Perhaps we could be friends. Perhaps we already are friends and I don't realize it's you. Do you not comment because you have to have a Blogger account? Yeah, that's a pain I know, but there's really no way around that. There are crazies out there. I don't mean to scare you away--but all means keep reading even if you don't want to say hi.



Wednesday, November 14, 2007


All of a sudden, holiday fever had overtaken me. I have the strong urge to bake cookies, breads and cakes. In fact, I made pumpkin bread the other night. I can't wait for Thanksgiving and cooking a turkey. I can't wait to decorate for Christmas. I want to dive right into my holiday shopping.

Today, I think I'll attempt to organize my thoughts by making lists of things to buy.

I love making lists.

Oh and also, I finally have the urge to buy something for myself to wear for Thanksgiving. I haven't bought any clothes really since the kid was born. Which is mucho weird for me.


Monday, November 12, 2007

Backs and Bottles

So I did something nasty to my back. I'm not sure how, but the result has been what I'm assuming are back spasms. And guess what? Breastfeeding means no painkillers for me. Beautiful.

Speaking of breastfeeding, Christy was nice enough to feign interest in my boob problems. I'm happy to report that although my body totally and completely freaked out from coming off the pill mid-cycle, the end result was a back-to-normal milk supply.

You know, it's been over three months and I never thought I'd breastfeed this long. I hear of lots of women who stop breastfeeding when they return to work. I realize this might be because returning to work involves pumping. And the pumping? It is not fun. But I think the reason it hasn't occurred to me to stop breastfeeding is that I've been pumping all along, since day one. I'm posting this because for all the research on breastfeeding I've done, there isn't much on pumping exclusively. So maybe someone will google "breastfeeding" and "pumping" and get to this site.

Now I don't know, maybe I can never find anything on exclusively pumping because I'm the only person crazy enough to do it. But I find that hard to believe. If you read this site regularly you know that my kid, he didn't so much want to do the sucking in the beginning. Now I thought sucking was a natural instinct in babies, but I suppose there is the chance that my kid is going to be in the slow class, because he did NOT get the sucking thing. He wouldn't latch on, but eventually after some distasterous cup-feeding, he started taking a bottle. And eventually after that, about two weeks after he was born, after lots of practice (HOURS of tortuous practice) he finally latched on. But then, he turned out to me a "rester", a baby who would nurse for 10 minutes, fall asleep, wake up a half hour later and want to eat again. It was an endless cycle, but for some reason, he would take a bottle all in one shot. So I started giving him just a bottle and then just nursing him once a day when I had a lot of time to kill. Finally, when he was about 6 weeks old, under the advice of his doctor, we added cereal to his bottle to counteract his acid reflux. So it was all bottle, all the time from that point on.

So you, if you're out there and really want your child to have breastmilk but for one reason or another can't actually nurse him, you can pump exclusively. It does take a lot of planning your schedule. It does take a lot of time. But I like to think it's worth the effort. And I'm not one of those crazy breastfeeding nazis. I think formula is just fine. I never thought I'd breastfeed. But given my husband's family history of allergies, as well as our combined gene mutations, I thought it would be best to at least try breastfeeding. And strangely, as Rolo struggled with catching on to this concept, the more I wanted to do it. I could very easily have given up when he didn't latch on. No one would have blamed me. I could have very easily stopped breastfeeding to go on the pill and end the seemingly endless bleeding (which seems to have subsided, knock on wood). I could stop breastfeeding right now so that I could take a freakin' muscle relaxer.

I had set out on this breastfeeding adventure committed to doing it for one month. I did not pressure myself to do it any longer than that. Now, since I've come this far, I'd like to try to continue to do it until Rolo is 6 months old, which seems to be the general recommendation from doctors. I'm trying not to pressure myself, but I think I might be disappointed if I don't make it to that 6 month mark. I don't think I'll go any longer than that, because you know what? It would be nice to get a full night's sleep without having to pump.

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Thursday, November 08, 2007

Is Anyone Starting to Think That China is a Problem?

For like a VARIETY reasons, but specifically, I'd like to know what we're going to do about this. And I specifically mean that problem, although children being exposed to GHB is problem enough. I want to know what we're going to do about the face that just about everything from China these days seems to be tainted. How many kids have to get sick?

I don't understand why there isn't more of a protest. Literally every morning on the news, there are toy recalls or child-related products that are recalled. You can't even keep up with all the recalls--they're on TV all the time, but no one seems to be doing anything proactive about it. Why isn't there more outrage?

It makes me mad.

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I Knew This Would Happen

Work? Yeah, work sucks right now. Big project.

I'm so not used to using my brain. Then again, using my brain, while painful, is still better than changing poopy diapers.


Monday, November 05, 2007


I know this isn't the case, but I think that late night talk show hosts should write their own material. I'm always disappointed when I'm reminded that they don't. Like I get that prime-time TV shows have casts of actors and of course actors don't write their own scripts. But talk show hosts pretty much just do a stand-up bit about the day's events and then they interview people. And because they're all comedians, or fancy themselves to be comedians, so you would think they'd write their own stuff.

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So this week, I have a rather large project going on at work and I have a couple of consultants coming in from Seattle to implement and train on said project. One consultant, I believe he is going to be with me every second I am at work this week.

Which has me panicked about pumping. I have a good relationship with those I work with, and I was able to discreetly let them know that I would be hanging a "do-not-disturb" sign on my office door twice a day. But this guy, this consultant guy, I don't really know him and I think the expectation is that we'll work in my office every day until lunch (which is whole other thing--do I need to go out to lunch with this guy?) and then again until the end of the day. I don't know how to discreetly say "Excuse me, but you need to leave my office because I need to whip out my boobs." How does one say that? Do I just bluntly tell him when he first arrives that I'm nursing (he does know that I'm just back from maternity leave) and that I'll need to excuse myself a couple of times a day? Or do I just wait and see if we take some breaks and see if I can sneak some pumping in without him knowing.


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Friday, November 02, 2007

The Third Month

So yesterday Rolo turned three months old. And in this last month, specifically, the last two weeks, he's seeming much more like a regular baby and not much like a newborn. In my head, I have to stop myself from saying "I just had a baby". Because really, that was three months ago. It didn't just happen.

And this last month has been great. Rolo cries less and laughs more. There is lots of talking, albeit a non-sensical stream of vowel sounds. But sometimes he is extremely serious when he tells you something, as though he is trying to get his point across in earnest. He interacts more now--when we talk, he "talks" back. He loves when I sing, even though my singing? It is not good. He doesn't care. He's also finally just starting to grab things instead of just batting at them. His head is a lot less wobbly and will just a little support on his back, you can just sit him up on your lap.

He's certainly found his hands, particularly that damn thumb. And occasionally he seems to notice he's got feet. The thing that I love most is that his smile is crooked--it almost always goes off to one side or the other and I find this incredibly endearing.

Generally, Rolo seems to have a relatively good disposition. The days of him bleeting like a goat seem to be over. I don't mind going places with him. Or rather, it doesn't make me totally anxiety-filled. But I do mind having a stroller. For as lovely as that stroller is, it just is a pain in the ass to navigate the city with any stroller. Steps are not my friend.

I think I'm becoming more at ease with this mothering thing, but it's also making me a psycho. Like today, his teacher at day care showed me pictures they took on Halloween. Apparently, they had a Halloween parade. A good number of the kids were dressed up, so they put them in those ginormous buggies and walked them around the building. And so there I was looking at a picture of my newborn--um, my baby, in a buggy, in a 5 point harness restraint system, holding his head up all by himself. And really, I wanted to cry. Because he was in a parade and I didn't know it. Because he was in a buggy and I wasn't there. Because he was upright in a stroller for the first time, and I wasn't the one who put him there. Because already, he's starting to experience things in life without me. So I almost started crying this morning right in front of his teacher. See? Motherhood turns you into a crazy person. Really, I do know and want my kid to go out into the world and experience things without me. That's healthy. So I want that and it upsets me at the same time. Crazy. I'm still blaming the hormones.

Today is Friday. It was my first week back at work, Rolo's first week at day care and although it all went well, I've very happy the weekend is here and I can spend all of tomorrow just hanging with my kid.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

And Another Rant

Given my freedom of speech rant below, you might think I'd be all about letting people protest outside of funerals, but you'd be wrong. I think regardless of anything else going on, people should be able to bury their dead in peace.


Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

So I was intrigued this morning by this story. And really, I feel like this language business has gone too far. I'm not a fan of the N-word. I don't use and I don't like others using it in my presence and I let them know that. Rolo will be taught that such language is not acceptable in our household. And guess what? That's a choice I made. Others may make different choices.

This man, Dog I guess they call him, seems to be a celebrity of some sort. Perhaps that means he should expect to have his phone conversations recorded, especially these days. But it was a private conversation. He didn't say this while working, as far as I can tell, unlike that Don Imus guy. As vial as the word might be to you and I, it's not illegal to say in the privacy of your own home. What I don't like is the media jumping all over this man and condemning him (as ironically he predicted in his conversation) to be blackballed and jobless. His show is suspended, pending an investigation. An investigation of what? How he chooses to conduct his life off-camera?

I think we lose sight sometimes that this is a free country and people can choose to say and do things we don't like. Where it becomes unacceptable, at least in my mind, is when what they say or do infringes on other people's rights and comforts. It's not like the guy was running some sort of slave trade out of his house. I think it's inappropriate to try to censor what people say privately, which is essentially what the media is trying to do. If this guy was out in public, let's say like Mel Gibson's little drunken anti-Semetic rant, well, that might be fair game. Mel was a famous person out in public saying stuff to a cop with whom he had no personal relationship. Yeah, you might expect someone to record that. But a conversation between a father and son?

This Dog person didn't do anything illegal as far as I know, and while his language may be deplorable, what I find more deplorable is that someone recorded it without his knowledge or consent and that the media is hell-bent on vilifying him. I watched CNN for a little over an hour this morning and do you know how many times this story aired? Four. Four times. They want people to be upset with what this guy said. And frankly, I don't want the media insuating that I should be offended by what some semi-famous guy said in private. Because do you have any idea how offended everyone would be we all knew what everyone else says and does in private?

Now this Dog guy has to do this dog-and-pony show (no pun intended) meeting with Black leaders to show how truly remorseful he is. When you know he's not. I mean he essentially laid out in the recorded conversation that he uses the N word all the time and was only afraid, not of it offending anyone, but of it costing him his fortune.

Rant over. Feel free to send me your hatemail.

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Happy Halloween!

Okay, so it's a day late. Sue me.


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