Friday, November 02, 2007

The Third Month

So yesterday Rolo turned three months old. And in this last month, specifically, the last two weeks, he's seeming much more like a regular baby and not much like a newborn. In my head, I have to stop myself from saying "I just had a baby". Because really, that was three months ago. It didn't just happen.

And this last month has been great. Rolo cries less and laughs more. There is lots of talking, albeit a non-sensical stream of vowel sounds. But sometimes he is extremely serious when he tells you something, as though he is trying to get his point across in earnest. He interacts more now--when we talk, he "talks" back. He loves when I sing, even though my singing? It is not good. He doesn't care. He's also finally just starting to grab things instead of just batting at them. His head is a lot less wobbly and will just a little support on his back, you can just sit him up on your lap.

He's certainly found his hands, particularly that damn thumb. And occasionally he seems to notice he's got feet. The thing that I love most is that his smile is crooked--it almost always goes off to one side or the other and I find this incredibly endearing.

Generally, Rolo seems to have a relatively good disposition. The days of him bleeting like a goat seem to be over. I don't mind going places with him. Or rather, it doesn't make me totally anxiety-filled. But I do mind having a stroller. For as lovely as that stroller is, it just is a pain in the ass to navigate the city with any stroller. Steps are not my friend.

I think I'm becoming more at ease with this mothering thing, but it's also making me a psycho. Like today, his teacher at day care showed me pictures they took on Halloween. Apparently, they had a Halloween parade. A good number of the kids were dressed up, so they put them in those ginormous buggies and walked them around the building. And so there I was looking at a picture of my newborn--um, my baby, in a buggy, in a 5 point harness restraint system, holding his head up all by himself. And really, I wanted to cry. Because he was in a parade and I didn't know it. Because he was in a buggy and I wasn't there. Because he was upright in a stroller for the first time, and I wasn't the one who put him there. Because already, he's starting to experience things in life without me. So I almost started crying this morning right in front of his teacher. See? Motherhood turns you into a crazy person. Really, I do know and want my kid to go out into the world and experience things without me. That's healthy. So I want that and it upsets me at the same time. Crazy. I'm still blaming the hormones.

Today is Friday. It was my first week back at work, Rolo's first week at day care and although it all went well, I've very happy the weekend is here and I can spend all of tomorrow just hanging with my kid.



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