Monday, April 21, 2008

Mighty Matt

As most of you reading know, Ron's sister had a baby in June 2006 who was born prematurely and with significant birth defects. He passed away two weeks later. His name was Matthew, but his nickname was Mighty Matt. You can read about him here and here. I still think of Matthew regularly. Lately though, because of the March for Babies walk that I'm participating in, and also because I've gotten to reading some blogs of women who have lost babies, I've been thinking about him more often.

There are some images and moments I don't think I'll ever forget. My friend Christy knit Matthew two teeny, tiny hats, one blue and one red. They were the only articles of clothing he ever had. He was buried with the blue one; the other he never got to wear. He passed away the morning that he did because his mother made the decision to take him off of life support. Even if you know your child is going to die, I can only imagine how heart-wrenching it is to have to decide when to do that. I knew then how awful it was, what my sister-in-law was going through, but I have a whole new perspective on it now.

The thing about Matthew is that he started to unravel the last bit of protection that I had inadvertently built around my heart. After he passed away, I knew, albeit blind faith, that I was capable of loving a child beyond measure. Because of Matthew, I think Rolo has a better mother. No matter how frustrating having a child can be at times, I am constantly reminded of, and thankful for, how lucky I am. Having Rolo has resulted my heart being totally worn upon my sleeve. I can empathize and feel things I wasn't capable of before. The downside is that this sometimes means I'm a weepy mess. The plus side is that I've developed into a fuller human being. And I think Matthew really started that. He wedged himself into a place in my heart and he's lived there ever since. Sometimes when I'm playing with Rolo, I hope he's watching over us.

So this weekend, I'm going to March for Babies, sponsored by the March of Dimes. My sister-in-law put together a team called "Mighty Matt". It's going to be a good day.



At 7:27 AM, Blogger Christy said...

Those hats are two of my favorite things I've ever knit. They were very quick and simple but I knit my prayers into them. I cry every time I look at the picture of them.

I hope it's a beautiful day for a walk in honor of Mighty Matt!

At 8:52 AM, Blogger DJ Heavy D said...

This may sound odd, but those hats, well they weren't for me obviously, but I think making them was the kindest thing anyone has done for me. I think they demonstrate what a gentle soul you are.


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