Friday, August 10, 2007

The Joys of Sleep Deprivation

Why does no one tell you that having a baby is hard? Just kidding, that's what everyone tells you. Ever see that Johnson & Johnson commericial that says "Having a baby changes everything"? Yeah, that keep running through my head. Never have I been so exhausted, so frustrated and so rewarded.

I've already had what I assume is only the first of a series of nervous breakdowns. I'll post the obligatory labor story at some point when I can actually think, but for now suffice it to say, that my labor wasn't too bad. My labor nurse was great, as were the residents and attending that delivered the baby. My post pardum care? TOTALLY SUCKED. It might not have been too bad had the lactation nazis, er, I mean consultants, didn't have me starving my child. When he refused to nurse, they let him go 24 hours without eating until I demanded that they give him formula.

I had assumed that I'd be the one who really didn't enjoy breastfeeding--it never occured to me that my son wouldn't want to either. I wasn't mentally prepared for the lactation nurses to torture both he and I repeatedly. They were trying to help, but being flanked on either side by them, and having them aggressively forcing my son's screaming head to my boob for a hour every two hours left me in hysterics. I couldn't stand to see my baby scream, his little chin quivering violently.

Strangely, the less interested he seemed in breastfeeding, the more I wanted him to do it. I felt like a failure, and it wasn't until we saw a pediatrican this week that things got somewhat better. He's still not really nursing, but at least I'm handling it better.

On the positive, he makes some of the cutest faces I've ever seen. He genuinely seems to like me. I know that sounds strange. But when he's crying, Ron will pass him off to me and he'll stop. It's a good feeling. He likes to fall asleep on my chest and I haven't experienced anything so sweet as a little baby head nuzzled into my neck.

More to come. The little man is currently sleeping and I'm going to wake him to show him it's the hope that he'll sleep tonight.



At 12:07 PM, Blogger Star said...

Can't wait to see you both again soon! Snuggle in with the bunny and rest up this weekend.


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