Thirtysomething

The Gift

Periodically, I write about my ex boyfriend, whom I call Guy. I have no idea why I've renamed him for purposes of this blog. Perhaps it was to protect his identity, but honestly, few people read this and it's not like he robbed banks or anything, so why protect his identity?

Anyway, "Guy" and I dated for awhile and he generously bestowed upon me gifts for all sorts of occasions and sometimes for no occasion at all. Which, normally, is a good thing, except Guy was the WORST at picking out gifts. It's the thought that counts? Yeah, screw that, because no one could quite figure out what his thought process was, exactly. You think your husband or boyfriend or significant other gives the worst gifts, sorry, I've got you beat.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I've never been angry with Guy, because the poor sap was so misguided. He always meant well, but that didn't always manifest itself in normal ways.

Some of the gifts:
a toaster oven
Eye Doctor by Origins
a Philadelphia coffee mug

But the one that stands out more than any other gift, was the Confederate flag I received for my 24th birthday. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I received a Confederate flag as a birthday gift. Now let's be clear, I live in Philadelphia, my entire family has been here in the U.S. for generations and hails from New York and New Hampshire. We're all Yankees. Every single last one of us.

What on earth would I do with, of all things, a Confederate flag?

Now, here's the thought process: I had hinted that a hard-cover copy of "Gone With the Wind" would be great for my birthday, to replace my paperback version, which was well-read and falling apart. I have a great interest in the Civil War era, and enjoy reading many things about that time period. While "Gone With the Wind" is a fictional work, I believe it does accurately represent many of the sentiments of that time. Anyway, somehow my hint for that book got twisted in Guy's brain as "she likes Civil War era stuff, and Gone With the Wind is set in the South, I know! I'll get her a Confederate flag."

Idiot.

I should have realized right then and there that the relationship wouldn't work, but sadly, I did not. I wound up giving the flag to a friend of his who was indeed from the South, and I have every reason to believe that that Confederate flag now proudly waves in the back of a pick-up truck in Missouri.

Honestly, what the worst present you've ever received?

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 6:33 AM