Thirtysomething

The Coup

The story of my coup. You may not think it's much, but if you don't then you work somewhere where the ratio of male to female workers isn't incredibly lopsided.

Friday I attended a work-related holiday party. My boss "hosted" it and myself, the other people who directly report to him and some others that report to us attended. The party was held at The Institution and I wasn't hopeful that it would be fun, but alcohol was going to be served so I figured it couldn't be all bad.

The party was great. So great, in fact, that as it wound down, the other people who directly report to my boss were going for drinks at a local bar afterwards. And they invited me. Practically insisted that I go out with them. That's the first part of the coup.

Let me give you some background. I report to my boss. So do other people. We meet every other week with my boss. When I look around the table at those meetings, I notice a couple of things. First, I'm the only woman. Second, I'm the youngest by over 20 years. Some of the others having been working at The Institution longer than I've been alive. I'm the only one who doesn't have grandchilden. Just to give you some perspective.

It's not that they don't like women or that any of them have any problems with "women in the workplace." They're just a group of men that have worked together for years, just men, until 3 years ago when my predecessor became a part of the team. She was quite a bit older than me and had very high standards. I know for a fact that the guys didn't like her because they've told me so. She was a bitch. She wasn't really, but if you're demanding and a woman and you work with all men, that's what you get labeled.

When she retired, My Colleague (the one who really, really needed to leave and since has) and I started attending staff meetings with the boys. I intuitively knew they didn't care for My Colleague and I attributed that to her ultra-professional attitude. Because her ultra-professional attitude came off as her having a big, fat stick up her ass. And no one likes someone with a big, fat stick up her ass, do they? After evaluating the situation, I decided my tactic had to be decidedly different. So I acted more like myself. I cracked jokes at meetings. These were at first met with blank stares because we all know how terribly UNFUNNY I am, but after awhile I got some smiles, then laughs. When My Colleague finally left, it was just me, the lone female at the table--I continued to schmooze.

Still I didn't know what these guys thought of me for sure. I held a position that was narrower in scope and responsibility than most of their positions and yet I held a similar title. I was the youngest, but probably had the most education. I wasn't sure what they thought of me, but I could guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm well qualified for what I do, but well, perception is everything sometimes.

So the holiday party invite comes and I have to bring the people from my office with me, and I'm thinking, "Great, this is going to be just FANTASTIC. I don't fit in with these guys and now my staff is going to realize that too." But to my surprise, the party was fun.

And then, like I said, they invited me to go out for drinks afterwards. The tone and conversation was pleasant. Some banter and teasing started. They gave me some good advice. And at some point in the night, I realized, I'm one of the guys. And I was. I was accepted into the group. Simply by not being a super-professional, ultra-P.C. person, by going out for drinks and being able to sling banter back at this crew, by proving that I could hang with the boys, I earned respect. I knew what I was doing. I was trying to earn brownie points. And it worked. They're actually a great group of men. I learned all about their wives and children (and grandchildren). It was a good time.

Part of the banter that night involved, the "first seat". We always sit in the same seats during meetings and one of the guys indicated that he sat in the "first seat" meaning he was our boss's top person. He was totally kidding and "accused" me of trying to move in on the "first seat". All night we went back and forth. I threatened to get to meetings 3 hours early to steal the seat, he would come back with a threat to lock me out of the building where the meetings were held. My boss, who had been planning on cancelling the next staff meeting, now said there was NO WAY he was cancelling now.

Today, when I got to the staff meeting there were name cards in front of each chair, which I found totally hysterical. Banter ensued. I'm so in.

Now, maybe I can get some things done around here. Or at the very least I can get help when I need it.

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 6:57 AM