Thirtysomething

The Leaning Tree of Christmas

Let me tell you about my freaking life right now. I did the laundry. I did the pilates class and I typed up the directions. I cooked dinner and I only made one type of cookie, but whatever. Everything was going great, and then we decided to decorate that God-forsaken Christmas tree.

I'm in a foul mood, people.

The tree, the dead tree, started to lean to one side right before we put lights on it. Ron and I spent the next HOUR AND A HALF trying to straighten it. Pine needles were everywhere--our hair, clothes, ears. Sap was all over my arms and I was starting to break out in hives. Ron was using using such a long string of vulgarities, that I was beginning to fear for his spiritual development. I was half tempted to put the tree out to the curb, but for Ron, this was a battle of wills. He was going to make the tree surrender to its fate.

Finally, we get it "straight enough" and string the lights. I throw some ornaments on, not even really caring about which ones. There are pine needles EVERYWHERE. While Ron vacuums, I take a shower. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get sap off your body? It's pretty freaking hard.

Finally, after midnight--which is late for me--I go to bed. When my alarm goes off this morning, I decide I'm not going to the gym and I sleep for another hour. When I finally do get up, I walk into the living to find the tree at a 45-degree angle.

Are you kidding me? I'm not exaggerating. A 45-degree angle.

Because I don't have time to wrestle with it again, I just start undecorating the tree. So that's how I spent my morning: undecorating a tree. Because, clearly, it's going to have crashed to the ground by the time I get home from work.

Back to square 1.

By the end of tonight, I have to:
bake more cookies
get invitations weighed and buy stamps
get calligraphy pens
finish Christmas cards
make dinner
finish direction cards
clean the apartment
buy a new tree stand

oh yeah, and re-decorate the FREAKIN Christmas tree!

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 8:16 AM