Friday, December 04, 2009

About Last Night

Rolo was impossible to put to bed last night. In the crib, 45 minutes of screaming, out of the crib. Calm, back in the crib, more screaming, out of the crib. Unusual for him. Nothing seemed to be bothering him, although with Rolo it's hard to tell. He's so laid back about things bothering him. His only explanation was "I not ready yet." Okay.

10 p.m., a full 2 hours past his usual bedtime he finally passes out on the couch. His father carries him to his room. Total dead weight. We head to bed too.

2 a.m., our baby monitor is on the fritz and the sound has cut out entirely, but I awaken anyway to the distant sound of Rolo screaming in his room below ours. I look at the video monitor, without sound, and see him rocking and boy, is he really screaming. Not calling for me, like might normally happen. Completely hysterical and I worry something's actually wrong. Ron wakes up too. I look at the clock. "This is going to be a disaster" I say. Ron tells me to bring him to bed with us. He says this because he's tired and he knows I'm tired and it will appease Rolo. I frown, because, that's not a trend I'm willing to start.

I go to Rolo's room and he calms down immediately. He does not know why he woke up. He asks for his diaper to be changed, which he usually never does, and I worry he thinks it's time to wake up for the day. While changing him, I ask if he wants a drink of milk. He does. And a bagel too. But he seems to have an awareness that it's the middle of the night and that he'll have to go back to bed. So I go along with this little game, bring him milk and a mini-bagel, and let him sit on the couch in the living room, with only a nightlight on. He does not suggest turning on the TV, or reading a book, or playing with toys, or any other thing to stall for time. Instead he slowly drinks his milk and eats his bagel.

After he's done, he cuddles up against me. He takes my face in his hands, looking at me, and then puts his cheek against mine. He stays that way for several minutes while I rub his back. "I cuddle with Mommy," he says.

I could be annoyed that I'm awake at 2 o'clock in the morning, when I'm hugely pregnant and not sleeping so well to begin with. I could be annoyed that my son, who does not seem to be sick, or getting molars, or having any other type of issue, is awake. But Rolo is so calm, so cuddly and being so reasonable, I'm not annoyed at all. Somehow I sense, as only a mother can, that what he needed was just to be still and be held. So we both sit, on the couch in the dark, with me stroking his hair and he patting my leg. He gives me a hug. "I ready now," he says and back to his crib he goes without protest. When I get back upstairs, it's after 3 a.m., and Ron asks "What was his problem?"

No problem at all. These middle-of-the-night wake ups are rare. And in time, he won't need me like he does now. 'Tis an amazing thing to be all that another person needs.

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At 7:58 PM, Blogger Christy said...

Made me teary.

Beautifully written. Good for you for responding to his needs. He doesn't do it often and he really seemed to need the time with you.

At 4:47 AM, Blogger walkerkellner said...

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