Friday, April 27, 2007

Feeling Guilty

Since Baby M passed away last June, I have been saying that I would do the March of Dimes WalkAmerica. He had some major genetic complications, but none of them were helped by the fact that he was born two months prematurely.

So I decided that raising money for March of Dimes, through this walk, was a good idea. Then came this month, April, the month of the walk and I pretty much forgot about it. So I looked it up online today, and while I could still register for the event on Sunday, I also noticed it is six miles.

Six miles is a lot. I can't run it like I once had planned. Lord only knows how long it would take me to walk it, especially since these days being on my feet for hours at a time is not good (damn the varicose veins). With every ounce of my being I hate using my pregnancy as an excuse for why I can't do something. Because the truth is, I could do it. I could walk 6 miles. I would just pay the consequence for that, which in my case would be swollen veins. Not necessarily harmful to me, just not comfortable.

So I'm bailing on the idea and I feel incredibly guilty since I was going to walk for Baby M and now I'm not. I'm thinking of donating money though in his name. They have these virtual bands and maybe I'll set one up for him.


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