Thirtysomething

Ideal

My husband is not perfect. He isn't as neat as I'd like and Lords knows, he doesn't do laundry as often as I'd like either. There are probably at least a couple times a week when I want to strangle him for something or other. Now, to be fair, I'm not perfect either (shocking, isn't it?). I have a tendency to get snippy when I'm annoyed, I'm absent-minded, and I'm not very spontaneous. For all these reasons and more, I'm sure he has wanted to throw me out the window on occasion as well.

That being said, we rarely fight and yet we disagree all the time. While we have similiar core values, we don't agree on the day to day stuff (i.e. a piece of art, whether kids are better off in Catholic schools, the importance of a variety of shoes, how many medical journals one needs on-hand, the aforementioned laundry, etc). There are definitely times when I feel we are definitely Mars and Venus: I say one thing; he hears something else.

My husband is, however, ideal. He has never said anything to hurt my feelings and on the rare occasion we do argue, we fight pretty fair. We don't hit below the belt. We don't raise our voices. He has never made me feel like anything other than a good partner and an equal. For those of you who know me in real life, this is probably not surprising, because you know I would not stand for anything less. But I am very aware that I am very lucky as well, because there are many women out there who don't have the same experience as I. Women whose husbands make them feel badly, tell them how miserable they are. Husbands who hit below the belt.

I like a bit of drama as much as the next person, but I know I didn't want it in my marriage. There are people who find themselves in volatile relationships and this always fascinates me. I'm not necessarily talking about any physical violence here--that's a whole separate issue--I'm talking about self-induced emotional roller coasters. What do you get out of that exactly? And what will your children get out of it? Don't you want more for yourself? I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household where my parents genuinely liked each other and got along well and any arguments were always done behind closed doors. I respect that and that's what I've wanted for myself. I always said that I would never get married until I found someone worth marrying. That seems like such a simple concept, yet there are so many women who want the institution of marriage, the white dress, the babies and houses with white picket fences so much so that it blinded them to everything else. I know people who I knew would go the volatile relationship path and I always felt sorry for them. I wish they had wanted better for themselves too.

So is the love of your life good to you, good for you? I don't mean good to you on more days than not. I mean every day. Mine is. Not a perfect person, but a perfect partner.

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 8:11 AM