Thirtysomething

The V-Spot

The squeamish might not like this post.

I went to the OTHER power yoga class last night. Oh, how I longed for hippy-dippy Nora from the Saturday morning class. This instructor was no Nora. It's the first time I've never been truly scared in a class, in a holy-shit-I-could-really-hurt-myself sort of way. This guy, thankfully didn't wear a microphone headset, but that didn't make him any less hardcore. Handstands (which I opted out of), headstands (which I also opted out of) and poses that required two people connecting to do. I enjoy yoga as a soliditary thing, not a team sport with someone I don't know. The instructor was also a big fan of poses that result in blood rushing to one's head, a sensation I don't particularly enjoy. I thought my sinuses were going to explode all over the gym floor.

At one point, I was....well, I don't know how to explain it. Well, I do, it was a shoulderstand. The back of my head was on the floor and the tops of my shoulders were also on the floor. I had raised my legs into a line perpendicular to the floor and then lower them towards my head so that I was looking at my kneecaps. The instructor then told us to lower our knees to either sides of our heads, near our ears. I was pretty convinced my body wouldn't do that, but it did and after I did, I was pretty sure I had paralyzed myself. We stayed like that for a few minutes and while I suppose I could have closed my eyes, I had nowhere to look but the seat of my crotch, a mere 3 inches from my nose. It occurred to me that if I wasn't wearing clothes, I'd be staring into my own vagina.

That's just not right, people. A woman shouldn't be flexible enought to put her vagina 3 inches from her face. It sort of freaked me out. Thankfully, just as I started to hyperventilate, the instructor told us to change poses. Strenuous, not-fun poses. I don't like to think I'm one to shy away from a challenge, but I got the feeling I was in way over my head in this class.

When I got home last night, I told Ron that there was a good chance he'd be taking me to the hospital later. It didn't come to that, but I don't think I'm going to go back to that class either.

posted by DJ Heavy D @ 1:35 PM